Some things don't really need answers.

"So...." I must've trailed that 'so' for an eternity. Well to me it felt that way. The uncertainty between the two sentences, whether I should move on to ask, why was I still hesitating now? I'd already repeated those words for the first time since last year.

"Am I going to get an answer this time?" I finished, almost letting it out with a sigh which admittedly, already sounded like a sigh of defeat.

She looked at me. I'm not sure if it was disgust, or whether in all possiblity, it could have been the opposite. You can never tell with her. She looked like she was trying to think of an answer. Well if she had to think about it- what was there to think about? I wasn't asking for the answer, I was just asking whether I'd get it or not. Was she trying to figure out what to say if she were to say 'Yes, I have an answer this time. I won't walk off if someone interrupts this conversation and pretend nothing happened today.' ?

The silence was deafening.

"Do we need an answer?" I asked finally. "Because you don't have to come up with one if you don't want to."

"Yeah," her eyes meeting mine directly. And yet reading them was still impossible. "I don't think we need an answer."

"Does this make it awkward, though?" I asked further. It never had been. But what if twice was too much? "Between us, I mean."

She shook her head. "No, it doesn't. Not for me anyway. How bout you?"

"No, I'm fine. Like I said- exams, I don't have time to dwell on these things. So we can pretend nothing happened?" Because please, God, the last thing I want right now is for things to go awkward. It's clear enough, at least, that she trusts me. Trusts me enough for that conversation to have happened, for her to not deny the things I asked her about before. Should it all get shot to hell because of three stupid words?

Silence again.

"So...yeah, we cool?" I asked.

And finally, the clouds parted, and there was that smile again. "Definitely cool."

Now, the conversation could finally turn elsewhere. "You're going home?" she asked me. The answer was a plain nod. "Why, you're not?" I asked in return.

"Not this week, but I'm dying to get out of college," she replied.

"Why not join the Mid Valley trip?" I asked.

"The bus is full."

"Oh."

"When do your papers end again?" she asked me.

"Week after next."

"Damn. Wanted to do that Bukit Bintang thing. Oh well, I'll wait for you to finish," she sighed.

"No, actually, we could book a car for next Friday evening. I mean, technically I'll still have papers, but since I'd have just finished Chem Paper 2, I wouldn't say no to a round of good ol-fashioned stress relief."

"If getting wasted on espressos is ol-fashioned."

There. We're finally smiling again.

"Uh, gotta go. Pack," I said, stepping away. "Catchya later in Bio class."

"Yeah, seeya," she replied, turning away towards the RC.

I took a moment to look back at her. Oddly, the only feeling I had then was a kind of numbness. Not pain. Not happiness either. Content? Maybe. Blotting out your feelings rarely works when you're me, but this time, it did. Maybe my mind was still trying to process whether what had just happened was good or bad. Now, more than twelve hours later, I still haven't decided yet.

It's alright really. Some things don't really need answers