False Alarms Part II

So yeah. No, it's not a miserable post, more of a post of awareness. Kind of reminding myself to dive headlong into something I might not be able to get out of. He's on vacation, outside the country. So that's probably why things have been happening as they did. But on the other hand, well, would it kill me to hope?

Oh well, I'll take things in their stride. Nothing's official between anyone yet, so, well, I dunno. I just wanna... what do I want now?

Well for starters, AS to be over.

Then we'll see. In the meantime, third rehearsal, and it's starting to feel more real. Someone pinch me harder. When I asked Feera 'So, what's next for us?' (referring to the band), in unison with Aisyah (who, by the way seems to be warming up with Oz lately, and vice versa) - 'The world!'

And Ashraff invited a whole group of us to Kuching. It'll be like a road trip, staying at his father's hotel during the long break for free. Swimming pool. Hotel facilities. The PS2. Poker chips. DVDs. Me, Hamzah, Ashraff, Nuddin, Azmi, Feera, Aisyah, Shat...oh, and Azrieal (grumble grumble). So yeah, this break promises to be a whole lotta fun. I leave on the 9th of January, assuming mom and dad give permission (which I'm willing to BEG for) all the way till the 13th of January. It's definitely something I'm going to be looking forward to.

On to more urgent matters- Rachael's gone.

She just up and left without saying goodbye. She apparently resigned over the weekend, leaving the full Lit class stranded without a teacher before their big exam. I'm kinda disappointed, though try as I might, I can't get myself to miss her as much as I miss Fellender. I feel sorry for her- I could tell that she was trying, but there was this block of ice which she couldn't get past. Did she leave because of us? I'd hate to think so, but Riches claims that it's a mix of a lot of different factors. KYUEM's remote location, her book coming out, not having too much friends...

I just wish she'd said goodbye. It would've been the least she could've done.

But oh well, the past is the past, and we move on.

Right, so says the guy who's not doing that at the very moment.

But really, she called me 'noble'. (I'm of course referring to a different 'she' now) And not in a mocking way. Like we both dropped shields, finally recognizing the fact that we each do it only as a cover hoping to hide how weak we really are, and it's, it's.... Apart from the (metaphorical) punches we throw at each other every day, I can't help but feel... appreciated. For the first time in ages. In the most powerful way imaginable, after that night on the field.

Couple that with 'The Pai Hold' she seems to have over me lately, and we have a recipe for a superangsty Bal in the future. In the meantime...

I just want to feel this moment before it slips away.


'How do you feel when there's no sun?
And how will you be when rain clouds come-
And pull you down again?
How will you feel when there's no one?
Am I just like you?'

-Feeder, Feeling a Moment