We had a discussion about culture during IELTS just now. While our earlier periods the days before were about Malaysian culture- our bad drivers, our littering habits, our dirty toilets, today we discussed British or Western culture. How WE view THEM. While I do agree that Westerners aren't Gods even if they think the universe revolves around them, I don't believe that they're 'evil, hell-spawned' things either. I agree that they're better at speaking their minds- while that may not always be a good thing. I agree that they're divorce rates are higher. I agree that husbands don't get along with their mother-in-laws.
But someone said that Western families are less happier.
Less happier. Compared to Malaysian families that smile and laugh when we come together for Hari Raya/Tahun Baru Cina/Deepavali. We get along with our in-laws, cousins, uncles better than Westerners. So that makes us 'happier'.
Bullshit. I don't buy it.
It all boils down again to how much we speak our minds. The reason why the image of Westerners not getting along with their outer families is out is because at gatherings, if there's something they don't like about their in-laws, they goddamn say it. Say there's a woman whose sister-in-law never helps out in the kitchen during Thanksgiving or Hari Raya. In Western cultures, the woman WILL say (when she's severely annoyed) "HEY BITCH! I NEED HELP HERE, AND ALL YOU'RE DOING IS KICKING BACK IN FRONT OF THE TV!"
In Malaysia, when that happens, the woman will still smile and act pleasant to the sister-in-law. But she'll complain to her husband/friends/children/whoever else about how bloody useless the sister-in-law is.
Does that make her 'happier'? Hell no.
Just because we don't speak up and bring out verbal conflicts with the family doesn't make us happier than Western families where sometimes children (teens, particularly) WILL use swear words on their parents. (though not excessively like on TV. That overblows the whole thing. That's just stereotypical. They swear their parents do something REAAALLY bad)
No, this scenario DOESN'T appear in Western families contrary to popular belief:
Mother: Russell, go clean your room!
Russell: FUCK YOU BITCH!
No. It doesn't. Shocking, innit? But that's the problem, isn't it? We blame Western people for making themselves the center of the universe in their movies/books/history reports, but at the same time, we point fingers at them without realizing that we're not that well off either. We're not BETTER than them. And neither are they. We're DIFFERENT. Get that in your fucking minds you cavemen!
So are we happier and more nicer than Western people? Again, hell no. Just because a conflict isn't brought into the open doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Happy Malaysian families and cultures getting along are just poster images. So please, if we say that they 'think they're so all that!', then we don't have to be like that either. We don't have to go 'we're more polite and happy and nice!'. Because it's simply not true.
Self-justification is the most basic instinct of the human mind. It has to fucking go. Okay, not completely, or else we'd be too hard on ourselves. But everyone wants to see themselves as the right party, and even the most insane mind will go to great lengths to believe that they are right. Yes, even insane people. Okay, so I got that from Silent Hill, but I did further research on psychological disorders and self-justification, and yes, it's true. A human's first reaction to any accusation is 'I did the right thing.'
Bush bombed Iraq. 'I did the right thing!'
Saddam oppressed his people. 'I did the right thing!'
Hitler slaughtered Jews. 'I did the right thing' (while Muslims echo: 'He did the right thing!')
Augustus Caesar achieve absolute power by killing off all other threats. 'I did the right thing!'
James killed Mary. 'I did the right thing!'
I stand on the observer's plate now. And I prefer to stay here. Because all these sides in religion, politics, everything. It's all superficial. It's all idiotic. Why can't we all see that we're DIFFERENT, not BETTER than each other?
The world would have been a far better place without humans on it. But that's another debate altogether. Which I won in class, by the way, by supporting it. XD
...And I'm supposed to be a future medic. ><
8 comments:
Dood, how DO you keep YOURSELF happy then? Other than dreams of mutilation orgies fetish with Pyramid Head.
Andsure, while the malay people like to talk about people behind their backs when their not looking (or when they ARE looking), we feel much better after letting it all out to someone. So yeah, to quote
"In Malaysia, when that happens, the woman will still smile and act pleasant to the sister-in-law. But she'll complain to her husband/friends/children/whoever else about how bloody useless the sister-in-law is.
Does that make her 'happier'? Hell no."
Is definitely not true... well, not true ENOUGH. But it sure as hell makes a person feels better than just being angry. I mean, how many times have YOU been happy when you say bad things behind my back? XP
And there MUST be a line as to how much of your thought is released to public... for some reason that sounds so very wrong. Anyway, yeah, there must be a line somewhere. Otherwise, what happens in those families you mentioned (sons cursing parents and stuffs) will happen. I mean, if say a son feels oppresed (is that right spelling?) by his mom's pestering on things which could be solved on another day. Or say, that he studied real hard and still didn't come up to their expectation (i should know XP) and they say their mind like "Back off from my life, Bitch!" or somehting like that, his mom is going to get REAL hurt and like you said, the instinct of "I am right" kicks in, huge quarrel and shit happens, so to speak. Lesson here is if you want more families to be happy and all that, you have to be TOLERANT and PATIENT. If say, the son takes a minute, if he thinks WHY is she doing this, shit will not happen. Logical explanation would lead to maternal care and wanting the best for their children and what not. And that will kinda kill off the instinct to blow so to speak again ^^
But being patient and tolerant has its limits i supposed. Sure it won't make all the families and people, Westerner and Asians alike, happier, but it will definitely make the world a better place to stay and well, that would make everyone happy i suppose XD
Gasp! That was rthe first long comment i have ever posted! Shockers.
I believe that when an individual does something wrong, that individiual needs to be told about it. How is he supposed to progress unless he knows about what he did wrong? Telling your friends about how he handled the function wrongly won't fix things.
Free speech isn't about it swearing to their faces when they do something wrong either. Granted, when that happens, that's when things go wrong as well. But being tolerant and passive about other people can lead to worse things than having them offended over what you say to them.
And that leads us to apathy- which is a growing concern problem among Malaysians. I don't see how talking about people behind their backs can be seen as 'tolerant' or 'patient'. The honest verb is 'bitching'. While it would be polite not to get up and bring that person's pride down in public with everyone watching, it would be worse if the person got away with it and did it again. And who says you have to do it in public? Even if it's free speech, attacks can be done indirectly, if you're so concerned about the emotions of other people. If you think you're doing them a favor by not telling them they're doing something wrong, well think again.
Free speech is a privilege. While we don't have it in Malaysia, it's one of the many things I believe we should fight for, and one of the many things we should celebrate the internet for (among other things like gamefaqs.com and fictionpress).
Quoted from V for Vendetta, 'The people should not be afraid of their government. The government should be afraid of its people.'
And I believe this is true. Without free speech, with the person at the top controlling the media, he effectively controls our thoughts as well. How is this good? Individuality is one of the many things that make us special. And not having free speech gives the person at control so much power that if he chooses to abuse that power, there will be little we can do against it.
Rulers can be brought down by mere words of a common civillian.
'Look upon my works, ye Mighty and Despair!' - quoted from the poem by Percy Shelley 'Ozymandias'.
...why is this debate going into free speech? (shrugs)
Oh well.
' Dood, how DO you keep YOURSELF happy then? Other than dreams of mutilation orgies fetish with Pyramid Head.'
Oh, and about that. I'm not saying that we're all unhappy miserable Khairuls and Iqbals. I said that we're not any HAPPIER than them, and they're not any happier than us either.
I can be happy without Pyramid Head orgies. Though I won't say no to one though XD
There are other ways to being happy though. Like being like you, Shahril. Unfortunately that comes at the price of sanity/pride/self dignity/intellect/(a whole load of other things).
'Is definitely not true... well, not true ENOUGH. But it sure as hell makes a person feels better than just being angry. I mean, how many times have YOU been happy when you say bad things behind my back? XP'
Oh, saying bad things to your face makes me MUCH MUCH more happier.
Both of your arguments are getting out of the original scope of the blog post.
I agree with Bal. Mostly. There is a problem with Malaysians holding back on things that should be said, sister-in-law example included.
But there's also the problem of people (and this is not just limited to Malaysians) not listening. Taking the sister-in-law example, would the sister-in-law REALLY have helped the woman if she had asked her nicely and politely for help? I'd go out on a limb to say no. Same thing goes for the government; what use is free speech if it falls on deaf ears?
In any case, I just don't like the self-promotion (if that's the right word) Malaysians do. "We're better than Westerners! We're more polite! We're friendlier! We care about other people!"
Bullshit.
O_o I posted a comment for this one on the wrong post -_-a
There's nothing much that I disagree with in this post. I'll only reinforce I guess.
It's sad to see that some Malaysians are like delusional, actually believing that they are better off and happier than the 'Mat Sallehs' because Malaysians are so polite, ramah and caring and ada 'nilai kekeluargaan'.
We have our relative strengths and weaknesses. I believe in taking the strengths of other culture and ingraining it in ours. I disrespect the suppossedly Western culture of swearing in front of their parents, but I respect how they speak their mind.
So I guess the key is moderation ^^
But being passive is sometimes good. It keeps you out of trouble, and if you don't care about someone I don't see any reason why we should point out their flaws - unless if their flaws concerns our comfort.
Okay, so you have a good point there. Being patient and tolerant has its limits. I agree with you there.
You also said that we have to tell people what they did wrong or give them a piece of our minds so that they can fix their mistakes, be a better person and what not.
Well, you have to look at how we live first. in this reality, when you do that, the person will be annoyed and will snap back, thinking what he/she was right and hence, a fight will ensue because i'm sure the accuser will think that he/she is also in the right.
Lol, and Khai makes a good point about not listening too. Which is basically like your point on instincts saying i am right. Like what is happening right now ^^ We're debating because we both feel we're in the right right? Right, so therefore one of us has to be right in order to get things right again right? Right.
I love that word. Right.
And well, i think the cure to all these every little "unhappiness" is to just be positive and think first before we do anything. I mean, we all have to know that in the end, no matter what, that we are all humans. Learn to accept things and let bygones be bygones. So sing along with me!
"WE ARE FAMILY! FATHER BROTHERS SISTERS AND ME!"
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