Changes For The Better? God Knows

Well, things haven't been much fun from the work end. The Video Awards that I've been breaking my legs off to pull off- letter writing, teacher meeting, proposal making, budget preparing, meeting chairing, schedule making, notice printing- all of it went down the drain when I was told two days ago that we can't use the Great Hall for the ceremony. And I shudder to think of how it would look if we were to use the alternative, which is the Dining Hall. So for the greater good, I pulled the plug. No one else would mind, really. It's my hard work, not theirs. Never mind that I feel like detonating a nuclear warhead in the middle of college, and the city of Kuala Lumpur for good measure.

Why do I get myself involved with these things? Is this a sort of paradox to Shahril's "But I Want To Leave a Mark" phase? I think I've left enough marks on the dart board considering the amount of things I've allowed myself to be a part of. I doubt that Sarah, Zan, Khairul, Shahril or Anas would ever be doing this. And under normal circumstances, no I don't think I would either.
So what changed?

I guess it's the whole university fear plaguing my mind. Fighting your way into a UK university isn't as simple as filling a form. Filling forms are for matrix appliers. For a UK placement, especially for medicine, it's not just my grades that have to shine, but my very being. I have to prove what I am capable of, and saying that 'My friends say that I'm a good leader' just won't cut it. Neither will straight A's.

And I'm not even gunning for Cambridge yet. Nah, I'm not decided yet really. 70% of me says I shouldn't bother, but part of me says 'What if', you know? I mean, I've doubted myself way too much in the past, and it never got me anywhere. I won't know till I try, anyhow.

The voice inside me telling me to 'Go for it' gets louder every day. Somehow I feel like wow, if I did get into Cambridge, that would be like a finishing blow to anyone who ever doubted me before. Sure, getting to UK is already like a blast through the head with a shotgun. Cambridge? It's a well-placed shot from a rocket launcher.

And hey, it's proof beyond all doubt that I'm not just built out of brains. Cambridge graduates are the things legends are made of.

Oh God no, I'm convincing myself. (struggles) Must...stop....

Well I still have about three months to make up my mind. Sarah and Farah lemme know if you're gunning Oxbridge. It might help me make the decision.

But over the past few days, after all that's happened, I'm beginning to wonder if going to Australia would be better after all. Why? Let's just say that it's a crazy thing called love. What happened to me? Haha, let's just say that I got a major confidence boost from the right person. No more elaborations. But I think if she keeps doing this to me, I might lose that bet to Sarah after all.

I don't want all this faith in love, but it's...intoxicating. I think I'm beginning to understand what Khairul likes so much about those damn romance novels.

This week has been a week of parties. Sunday night upon arrival we celebrated Avinder's birthday, where we lit dozens of candles in a dark foyer. I'm quite sure we made her cry. XD. Then on Monday we celebrated Hizami's birthday, where the entire college gave him birthday wishes. Hey, a legend deserves no less, right? Dan got doused with cincaluk, tied to a tree, tortured and was splattered with cake and other far worse smelling things. Nat got pleasant glow-in-the-dark treatment, coupled with 19 postcards that got to her on the right day, signalling her 19th birthday.

And the fun is just going to keep on coming. Oz definitely isn't getting away happy, I'll make sure of that. And Feera, Aisyah and Shat having their birthdays in a row? Whoa yeah. Cake, free food, music, and well... pain. XD But that's what I live for.

Meanwhile, I'm done with my Nippolia assignment. 37 pages of... bullshit.

I WARNED YOU

I'm definitely not putting that on fictionpress, so if you have any comments, let me know through here.

Oh, for Sarah and Zan. You said you wanted this:

The Maiden Who Travels The Planet.

Chock full of Aerith goodness. The fanfic that is official.


Oh, and I got to watch De-Railed last night. The result? I have a brand new celebrity crush to swoon and drool over until the next one comes along. Well, technically I've always liked Jennifer Aniston, especially in that neato Heineken ad where she puts on a face that could have melted me at the first glance. The movie revolves around two people (Aniston and Clive Owen) who met on the train. Both are married, but of course, things start to happen, and they start getting drawn to each other. Just as they are about to make love, this guy comes in, clobbers Owen then rapes Aniston. He doesn't stop there, as he starts blackmailing Owen and Aniston into paying him money- money that at least on Owen's side, is desperately needed to pay for his diabetic daughter.

It's got a brilliant twist at the end, and a character that you will love to hate so much that when he dies at the end, you won't be able to help but pump your fists happily in the air.

Check it out. Don't. I won't die. I'm much too happy to die now. ^^